I did stripes. I am so impressed with myself. This week went really fast. I was very thankful for that. I actually completed anther project.
This weekend was super busy. Friday night was spent in Lincoln, IL with my sister in law and niece. I had an old fashioned sleep over with the girls. In the morning amid French toast and coffee, we trekked to Bloomington for a quilt show. Now, I have never been to a quilt show and they are crazy. Adam called me half way through the day saying he had a surprise for me. I am not a huge fan of surprises generally, however this was a great surprise. We had been talking about selling our ga-gillion gallon aquarium for some time now. We both kind of lost interest in it and it was the poor fish that were suffering a loss of attention. He frikken sold the aquarium and fish and everything! There was a huge empty wall in our dining room. I hadn't seen the floor there since before we moved in. The entire room is larger and the poor kitties are just confused. When I came home we headed to Gander Mountain to pick up some essentials for the fishing season. On the way home I convinced Adam that I needed more professional looking clothes for work. He agreed. We headed to the mall and I had the best time shopping. Adam was being so helpful picking things out and helping me with sizes. We ended up in one store for over an hour. I am really lucky to have him be in there with me for so long and not even complain once. I was really surprised at what an eye he had for style as well. There were things that looked great that I would have never put together. Today, I got up late and started right in with the dishes and finishing the entire task at hand. Typically I would try to duck out and leave the stove top dirty or a couple dishes left unwashed. I know that I dote on this but there is such a sense of accomplishment in completing these tasks and projects. At the end I really feel like I have done something and that the time I have spent on something is valid and worthwhile. I really like that feeling. I promised Adam that I would start to go fishing with him at least once a month. We drove all the way out to Jim Edgar State Park to fish, but to our dismay all of the ponds and lakes were still frozen. It was 54 degrees! The day wasn't a total bust. We drove around the park and finally found a small pond that was thawed out enough to fish. It was gorgeous out. At one point I just wanted to lay in the grass and feel the wind blow over me. So I did. All these things were running through my head. Especially how I got to where I am today. I can't believe it has been almost seven years that Adam and I have been together, that we are married, that my father is gone. It is all so unbelievable. It is just one large concept I cannot completely grasp.
After grocery shopping we came home and fried up some crab ran-goon. They were AMAZING.
One of the big things coming up this week is on Friday. It is the anniversary of my father's death. I think that is the first time that I have put those two words together in writing. Father's death. That too is something very real that I have yet to completely deal with. A couple months ago, when I prompted all of this change in my life it was because of him. If my father would have seen the way I was living my life he would have been very angry with me. I was withdrawn and lazy with no ambition for anything. I am now becoming a different person that he could be proud of. Along with that is the fact that I cannot live everyday in the wake of his death depressed and yearning for him. I will not be memorializing him in public with chicken and pilaf in Granite City this year. I cannot dredge him up for every holiday, anniversary or birthday. It is not healthy for me. I remember him quietly everyday and remember how greatly he touched my life and influenced my journey. Friday I am taking the day off of work and am going to lay low. I will smoke a cigar and have wine with dinner in tribute to him. That is the way I will choose to grieve for him on that day in this time in my life. It may be different next year. Every one has different ways of grieving. This is mine. Others don't necessarily agree with it. That is fine. That is there path. This is mine. This is what is good for me. This is what I need. I think...
No comments:
Post a Comment