It Has Been a While, Dear Friend

It is a new year and a lot of changes have occurred since my last post (and I won't mention how long that has been).  In August, I put on my big girl panties and went back to school.  Other than getting my EMT in 2008, I had not seen the inside of a college classroom since 2001.  I started taking two classes last semester at our local community college.  After several conversations with my Hubs, I realized I had been lacking any type of ambition in my life and was settling, again.  This is exactly what I did not want to happen.

After losing my job last June, I felt defeated.  Shortly after that, I lost my Nonna.  My Italian grandmother was very well into her eighties and had swan dived into Alzheimer's disease four years earlier.  I hopped a plane and headed to Rhode Island for the funeral and family time.  It seemed that is the only time I get to see my family anymore.  Other than being there for the death of a dear relative, it was a very nice trip.  It strengthened the ideal that in the face of adversity, my family was very strong.  Upon returning to Illinois, I was offered a job at a pharmacy.  Nothing amazingly glamorous, just working the checkout forty hours a week.  The hours were pretty great.  Each day I was off by four.  That was what led me to heading back to school.  I now longer had an excuse to.  I then enrolled checking out what was required before entering the RN program. 

I had always loved the medical field.  I had been dancing around it for years.  Each time I became closer and closer to the action, but never able to partake.  I wanted to so badly.  I figured this was my chance, so I seized it.  That sounds  lot more exciting than it actual was.  my first semester included a VERY entry level Composition class and an intro to psychology class.  I did well and enjoyed them both.  Thoroughly!  I actually ended the semester with a 4.0 GPA.  I kind of never get tired of saying that sentence.  The new semester starts on Monday and I am taking three classes this semester.

Unfortunately, one of my classes fell on Knit Night with my girlfriends.  They were all super supportive and changed the night every other week to accommodate my schedule.  Those girls were and are my saving grace!  Encouraging me in school and in knitting, always making me reach higher.  this semester I made sure not to have any classes on Tuesday nights.  I have finished quite a few projects in that time.  Mostly hats and cowls, but now I think I am ready to conquer the big kahuna--a sweater!

So here is to the new year and getting back on track!

Bring on the pain...

So it happened again.  I lost my job.  I am still not sure how it happened, but it did.  I only know that it did because I was able to sleep in today.  I refuse to dwell on this fact.  I will only move on find a new job and be a better person for it.

On a much lighter note, I finished my Hello Hat from Ravelry.  I always find the coolest patterns on there for free.  I like free.  Now I am working on a whale dishcloth for a swap.  It is the first pattern I have ever paid for so I hope it comes out okay.  Then I have to find a bag pattern to make for a crafty group member for a side swap I am doing.
Hope this week finds me better!

That time of year...

It is that time of year again--the time of year for stickiness.  I hate being sticky hot.  Today it is 90 degrees.  UGH!  I hate this hard.  I am not sure what is going on in my house, though.  My husband is installing our air conditioners and using plastic wrap and scotch tape.  I think it is as insulation?  Anyway, I am looking for new projects to do.  As far as irony goes, I have started a cowl.  I know.  I just said it is 90 degrees.  My friend said that if I start doing wintery-type stuff when it is cold and I need it, I probably won't finish it in time.  That and I couldn't think of anything else.  I am at this weird stage with knitting that I am an advanced beginner and don't want to start anything too hard.  I just don't want to fail at it.  I have been playing with different stitch patterns on the cowl and even knit through a movie last night.  It was super dark and Adam looked over at me and said, "seriously, you are knitting in the dark?"  I don't have the heart to tell him I would rather knit in the dark than watch Iron Man 2.  It is also funny how much he uses the word seriously since I started watching Grey's.  It is hilarious to me since he hates the show and has know idea that it rubbed off on me.
I am still on a quest for Relay for Life.  I currently have a non metastatic basal cell nevous which is a lot of words to say skin cancer that is slow progressing.  While it is not a urgent form it is cause for concern and sunscreen.  Lots of sunscreen.  So this is your daily notice to wear your SPF today!

Cloudy with a Chance...

We have been trying to go camping for weeks now.  Every time we plan it is rains.  So this time we said, "Screw it" and just went camping out at Siloam Springs.  It rained.  It rained the whole time.  It was insane.  A few friends met us out there making the rain bearable.  Saturday when it was dry the ladies sat by the fire and knit while the boys went fishing.  We even met up for a toasty cheesy lunch.  This gave me to time to finish my Waffel Hat.  It isn't as slouchy or long as the one they made, but it works.  A lot of my knitting retains no shape what so ever and turns into a bucket hat.  I just love the pattern on this.  I am thinking of making a matching scarf when it gets cooler.
I like to think that the trip, despite the rain, was a success.  I hope to camp more.  Maybe even head back to Siloam Springs again.  I think the next item I make will be a cowl.  I am not sure.  I will have to ask my crafty friends for suggestions of good projects.
Overall, I am trying to take things easy and not expecting too much from anything right now.  Except the weather.  I would really like some sun.

Realizations...

So I have been thinking lately.  A lot.  I have this thing--this word vomit.  It happens all the time.  Especially when I don't think people are very fond of me.  I just spit out this random things, true or false, if I believe that those words will make someone like me better.  Typically after a bout of such vomit, I will feel immediate remorse as I have crossed that line in the sand between "aw, how awkward" to "oh she is that girl".  From time to time these things can be mean and cutting and I regret them as soon as it leaves my lips.  It is so embarrassing.  I am constantly retracing my steps and running conversations over and over in my head.  This regret process is exhausting.
I realized lately that I go to such extreme lengths like this to get people to like me, because I do not like myself so much right now.  Rather than running conversations, I need to put my focus on me.  I am still not sure who I am, so how can I like me?  It is an ever evolving process.  Someone once told me that I expect too much from myself.  While that may be true, I owe it to myself to strip away the layers to see what is left.  This week there will be no makeup, no vomit, no going out of my way.  Just me.  Fresh faced to see what is underneath it all.
Adam and I were talking about my knitting.  I was telling him that I had been knitting for five months.  That was an exaggeration to prove my point.  We all fudge a bit.  Some more than others.  I do more so when it is convenient.  This behavior will not make me a better person.  Being honest and realistic will.  That is my goal for the week.  Honest and realistic.

Relay for life time!

When I was 15 I had a birthmark that turned into basal cell carcinoma.  Recently I have been diagnosed with an early stage melanoma.  This isn't as worrisome as it sounds.  This is very common and will be watched very closely.  SPF is my new BFF.  We are getting together a team to do theSangamon County Relay for Life.  It is June 19, 2010 at the state fair.  I would like for all of my friends to dig deep and see what you can come up with.  Can you join the team?  Can you donate?  Will your company match?  For those crafty friends Sarah and I decided that this a good reason for KIP (knitting in public) therefore, our team name is the Beat-Knits.  You can join or donate here.
I thank you ahead of time for your time and generosity.

Life on hold...

So lately I haven't been so great with the priorities that I had set for myself.  This begs to ask the questions:  Have I been lazy? or  Have I set the bar too high?  I wonder if I am asking too much for myself, but I see people all around me living their lives in perfect semblance.  Why can't I do it as well?  I think that I can.  I just need to recommit.
I have been knitting regularly (I told you it wasn't a fad, Adam!), and attending my craft group weekly.  It seems that I am never working on the same thing two weeks in a row.  That means that I am completing things and finishing what I start.  For so long I was putting my life on hold and just scrapping by day to day mentally and emotionally.  Kind of just going through the motions.
Work is great and I have taken on a little more responsibility, which is always good.  Home right now is a work in progress.  Our landlord received some TIF funds and is installing a bay window seat in our living room.  We literally came home one day and the wall had been demo-ed and our old windows were removed.  It is ten days later and we still have a tarp to keep our cats in.  That tarp is the only insulation we have from the outside world. It makes things very loud inside.
To add insult to injury our tv died.  One night.  One noise.  Then just POOF!  It was done.  There wasn't even a climactic cloud of smoke.  It was sad.  Now we are down to one tv.  I love watching tv in bed so I am especially torn up about this.  I guess we watch too much tv anyway.
I have some goals for this week.  I want to eat dinner at our dining room table every night.  We get so caught up that we just eat dinner in front of the tv.  It is so impersonal.  I also want to be prepared for the next day, the night before.  It is just easier that way.  Last but not least, I want to be back here posting this time next week.
Let's hope life doesn't get in the way of those goals...again.