Quackers in a Row

So this has been a good week--a really good week.  I have had these thoughts floating in my head since the BPD diagnosis.  It is symptomatic of "borderlines" to assume qualities and traits from those around them.  I sure you think, "oh, Suz, everyone does that."  and you would be true however, I do that.  A lot.  Really, a lot a lot.  It made me think how much of me is me?  Where does Adam end and I begin?  Who am I.  I had a week long identity crisis.  I thought who is to say that right now I can't start over.  Rediscover myself from the outside in.  I am reading Dawna Markova's I Will Not Die an Unlived Life for like the fifth time.  I realized while reading this that at some point I gave up.  I just threw my hands in the air and said, "thats it".  I don't want to do that anymore.  I deserve more from myself.  If everything before this point was now de-bunked, then I would have to start from scratch.  Who am I?  What do I like?  What kind of person do I want to be?  This lead me to put it all down on paper to be accountable for who I want to be.  So here we go:

1. Be Your Own Person
1. What is it that I like
2. Try everything at least once, even if you have tried it before
3. Revisit lost and abandoned hobbies
4. Start reading passionately
5. Question everything- is this what I really want
2. Be Aware of the World Around You
1. Volunteer at least once a month
2. Watch/Read/Listen to the news at least 15 minutes a day
3. Read a local paper at least once a week
3. Get Out There
1. Weather permitting- do an outside activity once a week
2. Weather permitting- go camping at least once a month
3. Weather permitting- go fishing with Adam once a month
4. Go to Rhode Island
5. Spend a me day once a month
4. Thicker Than Water
1. Speak to Mom once a week
2. Spend time with a friend once a week or have a 30 min conversation
3. See nieces bi-monthly
4. Use keyword or action to promote positive think about those around me
5. The Bod
1. Work out three times a week- NO EXCEPTIONS
2. Veggies every meal
3. Cook for Adam twice a week
4. Stop picking
5. Shave legs twice a week
6. Take a long candle lit bath twice a month
6. Next to Godliness
1. Make bed on weekends
2. purge closets, clothes, and purses quarterly
3. re-purpose guest room
4. 15 minutes of general cleaning three times a week
5. completely finish chores
7. Believe
1. Actively try to sort out this "God Thing"
2. Study the Message three times a week
3. Read atheist/agnostic/eastern philosophies
4. Church once a month

On the craft front, things are going very well.  I am getting pretty far on Melissa's baby blanket.  Adam says the the colors will be out of style in a few years.  I don't care I like it and I am doing awesome on it.  I am looking for a travelling project to take to work on lunch and car rides.  Probably another dishcloth.  I will see what the girls at craft group think.  I am hosting it this week and making my Mom's Venus di Milo soup.  Can't wait for it too!